Wall of Paul

My son, Jack (see “My Kid Could Review That,” from 8-17-07) is now 5 ½ years-old, and has progressed beyond simply watching movies. Now he wants to make them. He claims to be running a movie studio, and works it into his conversations throughout the day. So I decided to interview him about his plans, since he’s not famous enough (yet) to block my access via a barricade of brown-nosing underlings.

I should point out that these are his verbatim answers. He must have heard me talking to my wife about “The Dark Knight,” since he very specifically references it at one point. For all I know, though, he caught a cab to a midnight screening while we were sleeping.

PT: So, what kinds of movies do you make at your studio?

JT: “I like monster movies.”

PT: But you like other kinds of movies, too. What about funny movies?

JT: “Yeah. I like funny monster movies. ‘Invasion of the Bee’ is one I would produce. My other movie would be ‘The Adventures of Cannon Head.’”

PT: Wow. That sounds interesting. What’s that about?

JT: “Cannon Head is the little hero in that movie. 'Monsterwood' is the way you say ‘Hollywood’ in ‘The Adventures of Cannon Head.’”

PT: That’s a good tag line for the poster.

JT: “For filming, we will use video cameras for these movies.”

PT: Where do you make your movies?

JT: “In my room. Where else? My room’s my movie studio, you know.”

PT: Who stars in “The Adventures of Cannon Head?”

JT: “Me, because I’m the maker of the movie. Otherwise, I have no stars.”

PT: That might hurt at the box office. Does Cannon Head have a girlfriend?

JT: “Well, no. That’s not what that movie is all about. It’s not about weddings or anything, because his adventures aren’t too beautiful. There are a bunch of Cannon Head movies."

PT: Oh. You mean it’s a series?

JT: “Yeah. The fourteenth one was too bloody. We had to take that movie out of the series. It scared people. The new one is called ‘Cannon Head: Destination Improved.’"

PT: What does that mean?

JT: “I don’t know. But it’s the final episode.”

PT: What happens in that one?

JT: “Well, he fights evil villains and monsters and other creepy stuff in all the movies.”

PT: Who are some of the other characters?

JT: “Wall-E is one of Cannon Head’s friends."

PT: You’ll have to talk to Pixar about that.

JT: “The Skeleton is another friend.”

PT: Who are his enemies?

JT: “Well, The Skeleton is actually one of the enemies. Another one is The Body, and he says something to Cannon Head just like in ‘The Dark Knight’— 'Cannon Head, you complete me.'”

PT: What does he mean when he says that?

JT: “It means when I put Cannon Head into a human body, he makes another creature— The Human Monkey. Some of my plans may be changed, though.”

PT: Yeah, you probably need to clarify that with a re-write.

Paul Tatara